I'm So Sick
by YoflamRettopReverof
Summary: One Shot: 7th yr. Harry returns to Hogwarts early this year, and with a little help discovers things about the past he had never known. Will these past indications change his future? Harry learns...Continued in fic.


**Pairings** – Harry Potter/ Draco Malfoy

**Rating** – PG 13

**Summary** – 7th yr. Harry returns to Hogwarts early this year, and with a little help discovers things about the past he had never known. Will these past indications change his future? Harry learns that no matter how badly you wish you could go back and change things, you can't and life will always throw you a curve ball you had never noticed before.

**Warnings **- This story is SLASH/YAOI (m/m pairing), so if you don't like it you should leave now. May contain coarse language, sexual content, rape and any other bad thing your mind and obviously mine came up with.

**Disclaimer** - Draco: bloody hell, what the hell was that Potter?

Harry: How am I supposed to know malfoy, I've never driven before!

Draco: Potter Stop, Stop the damn car Potter! Potter watch out!

Harry: what was that silver hexagon thingy?

Draco: I don't know, I HAVN'T SEEN THE BACK OF A STOP SIGN BEFORE! _Jeez potter!_

Harry: _I guess this isn't the best time to tell him he has oil in his hair…_

Draco: Ok, this may sound stupid but isn't the writer suppose to be giving a disclaimer here, instead of making us slash stars give an introduction…

Harry: Isn't that the most obvious question, with the most obvious answer?

Draco: _well I didn't think so…Draco kiss's Harry_

Snape: Oh can you two boy's just get on with the disclaimer…_damn these young wizards with thier bloody hormones now a days!_

Draco & Harry: Yes professor Snape, right away…

_Draco: I wonder if the writer realizes how long this is…_

_Harry: I wonder if Draco or better yet the writer knows what the disclaimer is…_

Snape: Fine I'll do it you incompetent little wizards: The writer doesn't own anything to do with Harry potter, I thought it would have been a little obvious by now!

Writer: Well that's not entirely true …_I mean, I do own this story and all the other ones I make, and I own the power to create what i want all of you characters to say! __Mua ha ha ha **evil laugh.**_

**Reviews** –

**Lucycat **– Hehe, Thanks! Yeah, the movie Proof ROCKS! And yes, I have more One-Shots, and more to come! Thanks so much!

**Authors Note** – The song is AMAZING! So you all MUST HEAR it! This song fic isn't like my others…the song isn't too important, but I couldn't picture posting the fic without it! I don't know why, but yeah! The idea of this fic came from the movie, "Proof," an episode of Y&R, and my mind of course, haha. This is a HUGE one-shot, probably one of my longest, but quite a bit of it is dialogue. This One-Shot is also dedicated to the lovely, Anime Monster for REVIEWING ALL 21 chapters of, "The Parchments Of Love!" She is contest winner #5. I hope everyone enjoys it!

**Beta's Note** - Thanks Jade! Means alot!

_So let the magic begin…_

* * *

**Artist: Flyleaf**

**Song: I'm So Sick **

I will break into your thoughts  
With what's written on my heart  
I will break, break

I'm so sick,  
Infected with where I live  
Let me live without this  
Empty bliss,  
Selfishness  
I'm so sick  
I'm so sick

If you want more of this  
We can push out, sell out, die out  
So you'll shut up  
And stay sleeping  
With my screaming in your itching ears

I'm so sick,  
Infected with where I live  
Let me live without this  
Empty bliss,  
Selfishness  
I'm so sick  
I'm so sick

Hear it, I'm screaming it  
You're heeding to it now

Hear it! I'm screaming it!  
You tremble at this sound

You sink into my clothes  
And this invasion  
Makes me feel  
Worthless, hopeless, sick

I'm so sick,  
Infected with where I live  
Let me live without this  
Empty bliss,  
Selfishness  
I'm so sick  
I'm so sick

I'm so sick  
Infected with where I live  
Let me live without this  
Empty bliss, selfishness  
I'm so  
I'm so sick  
I'm so  
I'm so sick

* * *

**Song Fic – I'm So Sick**

It's the beginning of my seventh year. Everything seems worthless now. I came to Hogwarts early and I am alone in my room. I'm just so sick of caring about everything and everyone. They all just die on me. I'm sitting on the ledge of the windowsill: everything from here seems to be shaded. I start to think about the first time I met Cedric Digory.

_The manky old boot was a port key. I landed hard on my ass, but Cedric let out a hand of help. I told him, "Thanks."_

"Can't sleep?"

"Merlin, Ah, you scared me." I say breathing quite quickly as I jumped away from the window.

"Sorry."

"What are you doing here?"

"I just thought I'd check up on you. Why aren't you in bed?"

"Just thinking. What time is it?"

"Twelve to midnight."

"So?" I asked.

"So?" Dumbledore said with a tempt face.

I smiled, and hopped into bed. "Alright! I'll get some sleep."

"I think congratulations are in order?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, raising an eyebrow to show my confusion.

"Happy Birthday."

"It's not until the start of the year, you're early."

"Ah, well…I thought you should hear it now. I hope you're not spending your birthday alone."

"I'm not alone."

"I don't count."

"Why not?"

"I'm your Professor. Go out with friends."

"Yeah, right."

"Aren't your friends taking you out?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Because in order for your friends to take you out, you generally have to have friends."

"Ah."

"Funny how that works." I said with a smirk.

"You have friends. What about Hermione and Ron?"

"They died in the war, remember."

"And the rest of the Weasley family?"

"Homophobic."

"My advice if you can't sleep at night is to sit down and play chess."

"Oh, please!"

"We could do it together."

"Can't think of anything worse."

"Well, take a potion."

"How old were you?"

"Hmm?"

"When it started?"

"What?"

"You know, when…you got sick."

"Is that what you are worried about?"

"I've thought about it."

"Just because I went bughouse doesn't mean you will. Not all powerful wizards get it."

"No. Just you and Voldemort?"

"Don't be silly. Both symptoms were different. Both cases were." Dumbledore looked at me sadly, but there was something else he looked at me with, but I couldn't put my finger on it. "Listen to me. Life changes fast in your teen years and it shakes you up. You're feeling down, you've had a lousy couple of years. No one knows that better then me. You're going to be OK."

"I am?"

"Yes. I promise you. The simple fact that we can talk about this together is a good sign."

I gave him an unsure look, "A good sign?"

"Yes."

"Oh, how could it be a good sign?"

"Because crazy people don't wonder if they're crazy."

"They don't?"

"No. They've got better things to do. Take it from me. A very good sign that you're crazy is the inability to ask the question, 'Am I Crazy?'"

"Even if the answer is yes?"

"Crazy people don't ask, you see?"

"Huh."

"What do you say? Let's call it a night. You can go to bed, and get some sleep. Then in the morning…"

"Wait!"

"What's the matter?"

"It doesn't make sense."

"Yes it does."

"No." I said shaking my head.

"Where's the problem?" he asked tilting his head.

"The problem is…you are crazy!"

"So?"

"So you said a crazy person would never admit that."

"Ah, I see."

"So?"

"It's a point."

"So how can you admit it?"

"Well, because…I'm also dead, aren't I?"

I shook me head, holding back tears. "You died a few months ago. Draco Malfoy killed you under the orders of Lord Voldemort."

"No. Severus Snape killed me. 157 years old. The funeral was the next day."

"I-I don't believe…"

_Can I have a word? _

_Alright…_

_Dragons. That's the first task. They got one for each of us._

_Di - are you serious? And um, do Fleur and Krum, do they know?_

_Yeah._

_Alright. Hey listen, about the badges, I've asked them not to wear them._

_Don't worry about it._

_Hey Potter!_

_Potter!_

_Cedric. _

_How, how are you?_

_I'm spectacular._

_Look…I realized I never really thanked you properly about tipping me off about those dragons. _

_Forget about it…I'm sure you would have done the same for me._

_Exactly. You know the prefects bathroom on the fifth floor?_

_I nodded._

_It's not a bad place for a bath. Just take your egg, and mull things over in the hot water. _

_Harry!_

_Harry!_

_Harry!_

_Thanks!_

_No problem._

_Ya know, for a moment there, I thought…I thought you were gunna let it get me._

_For a moment so did I…_

_Some game, huh?_

_Some game._

"Dumbledore, not a day goes by that I don't miss you. Nothing's the same anymore…everything terrible that's happened goes back to that night."

_Go on, you saved me, go on…take it!_

_Together, 1,2,3…_

_You ok?_

_Yeah, you?_

_Where are we?_

_I've been here before._

_It's a port key. Harry the cup is a port key._

_I've been here before…in a dream._

_Cedric, we have to get back to the cup, NOW!_

_What are you talking about?_

_Harry, what is it?_

_Get back to the cup!_

_Harry, take my body back will you? Take my body back to my father. _

"If I could go back I'd do things so differently."

"Well, lets see what you'd do." Dumbledore said, holding out his hand.

I took it, and in a flash I was back. I was back in the maze with Cedric.

_"Go on, you saved me, go on…take it!" _

_"Together, 1,2,3…" _

"That's me"

"Um hmm"

"This is weird."

I watched my younger-self look to Cedric and back to the cup.

"This is it…the most important conversation of my life. If I had taken the cup alone that night, it would have changed everything.

"This is wrong. It should have went like this…"

_"Go on, you saved me, go on…take it!"_

_"Ok, thanks!" _

"So because of you Harry, Cedric is dead?"

"Yes."

"It's all your fault?"

"Yes."

"And if you had left him, are you sure he would have survived the maze?"

"Yes, and he would be back with his dad. He would be back with Cho, and then we never would have tried dating. That's how his life should have been. Simple. Uncomplicated."

"Come my dear boy. More awaits."

I looked to Dumbledore, and took his hand once again.

"Where are we now Harry?"

"We're at the Veil."

"We don't have to do this Harry"

"No. I need to do this. I need to face it, all of it."

_Sirius was part of a pitched, running battle in the Department of Mysteries, fighting against a band of Death Eaters. Sirius taunted his cousin Bellatrix near the end of the battle and subsequently was killed by her. His body fell through a mysterious arch and could not be recovered. Whether Bellatrix's attack killed Sirius or whether he died by passing through the arch is unknown; however he is really dead._

"I left him alone to deal with things."

"He wasn't alone."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, he wasn't completely alone. You know what I'm trying to say, don't you? He needed someone, someone to lean on.

I grabbed the hand in white light.

"What are we doing here?"

"We can leave if you want?"

"No. I need to see what happened here."

I walked into Sirius's old bedroom in Number Twelve Grimmauld Place. It was pitch dark except for the small-lit path to his bed.

I was nearly in tears at the site. He was lying in Professor Lupin's arms.

"They were together? They were a loving couple?"

"Yes."

I quickly ran out the door. I couldn't take it anymore. I breathed in deep. "It's all my fault!"

"So you think his death was because of you."

"Yes! It was all because of that night I let Cedric die. If I had gone alone, or had not gone at all Voldemort would not have come back. He would not have killed Cedric. There wouldn't have been a war at the Department of Mysteries."

"Come on…its time."

"Where are we going?"

"Home to Hogwarts."

Once again I took his hand. I felt calm. I felt safe, and I felt un-judged.

"We're in your office."

"No. Were in McGonagall's office now." Dumbledore smiled gently.

"She likes to be in the office. It makes her feel like you're still with us."

"I am. I always will be."

"I've caused so much pain. If Voldemort didn't get my blood, he wouldn't have come back. Cedric, Sirius, Ron, Hermione, and most importantly you would be alive."

"Harry, you can't blame yourself for everything that has happened."

"How can you say that? After everything we have seen tonight?"

"Harry…"

"What?" I said viciously.

"I think there is one more thing you should see."

"And what would that be?"

"I think you should see where the Malfoys, and Severus Snape, fit in all of this."

This time I did not take his hand, but was grabbed by his.

I looked around at my dark surroundings. There was no mistaking it…the colour green was everywhere, and the serpent of the house was mounted over the fireplace, which brought out a deep red fire.

"Are we in the dungeons Professor?"

"Yes."

"But why?"

Dumbledore just stretched his arm out to a point, "Look for yourself Harry."

I looked over and noticed two figures. They looked to be arguing over something. I stepped closer to the two and noticed right away who they were. One wore the symbol of Slytherin, Draco Malfoy. The other wore the symbol of a Hufflepuff, Cedric Digory.

_But why would they be together_, I thought.

I watched in curiosity, and listened very carefully.

"_Cedric, you have to tell him!"_

"_Tell him what?"_

"_About the egg of course! He'll never figure it out!"_

_"Draco, you make it sound so easy to go up to a person you hardly know and start telling them theories on what you think might be an answer. What if I'm wrong? That would be terribly embarrassing."_

_"Damn it Digory, suck it up!"_

I almost laughed at the two. They looked so happy even when fighting.

_"If it's so easy, then why don't you tell Potter?" _

_Potter? They were talking about me?_ I wondered.

"Professor…"

"Just watch Harry,"

Malfoy looked almost worn out and fragile at this point. _"Cedric. You know I can't tell Harry."_

"Harry? Since when does he call me Harry?" I yelled loudly.

_"Well I wonder why Draco. You have only treated him like dirt since you both started here a year after me."_

I watched as Malfoy glared his icy blues at Cedric. He then sat down on the couch, avoiding him. When he sat down he had gone right through me as if I were a ghost. I was scared when he sat. He turned and looked right through me, but it felt like he was looking right at me.

He made to say something, but then turned around saying nothing.

Cedric was about to sit beside Malfoy so I moved avoiding that uncomfortable feeling of someone's dead weight going into me again.

Were my eyes deceiving me? Was Cedric actually hugging Malfoy? And was Malfoy actually letting him?

"_I'm sorry mate, I know how you must feel."_

"_You know…I might just have an idea_." Draco said, facing Cedric again.

"_Oh no."_

"_What? I haven't even said anything yet!"_

"_I know, but the look on your face tells me that I'm going to be involved in this little plan of yours."_

"_Right you are my dear friend!"_

I can't believe what I am seeing. Is Dumbledore really showing me the past?

"_Date Cho Chang for me, please!"_

"_What?"_

"_Yeah. Everyone knows Harry has a thing for her, but he will never make a move, and if he does…it will be to late! Please!"_

"_And how does this help you? Besides sticking it to Harry again?"_

_"Because…if you take her to the ball, it will give me a chance to get Harry alone, and I'll be able to speak with him."_

"_Ah, huh."_

"_Privately."_

"_Oh, I see. I guess I could help out a friend in dying need. I'll see you later!" _

_"Yeah, at the ball."_

"What is going on Professor?"

"Follow me Harry."

What I saw next was like a blast from the past. The crystal white room; we were at the ball. I watched as the three champions and myself came into the room.

"There we are. All of us."

"Yes Harry, now notice when you come in…the blonde who is staring at you from the side. He watches you all the way in. I'm sure that night you didn't even realize he was there. Probably because you were wrapped up in your own business."

"I see Malfoy, but why is he so interested in me? Was he and his father planning a quicker attack?"

"No boy. Did you not see the sincerity on his face and in his voice when he talked to his friend Cedric?"

"I guess, but I still don't understand."

"You will soon. Ah, isn't McGonagall lovely?"

I smirked at him, "Did you have a little thing for her?"

"Oh, I'd say I still do." He answered with a twinkle in his eye I thought I'd never see again.

We both watched patiently as the dance went on.

"Lemon drop?"

I turned my head. Some things will just never change, "No thanks, Professor."

After staring at him sucking on a lemon drop for five minutes my attention went to the two who had been together previously in the common room. They were making their way outside. I decided to follow, leaving Dumbledore behind.

"_I can't take it anymore Cedric! He's in there with some girl! How am I supposed to compare to that?"_

"_You're not. You just have to show him who you really are, Draco. You have to show him what's behind this mask you have built."_

"_I know, but I can't." Malfoy cried out into Cedric's arms._

_"I know it's hard, but someday…everything will come out, and be ok. I know it. He can't resist you Draco. You are everything he needs, weither he knows it or not, and he is everything you need. You are not your father. You will not become him Draco. Everything will be fine. Harry will realize how much you love him someday. He will. I promise."_

"Have they lost their minds?" I ask out to no one.

"_Cedric, I love him so much! And everything I've done for him! He doesn't realize how much I've gone against my father. He doesn't know how I've helped him all of this time. And, and when…"_

"_I know Draco. Just calm down." _

I can't believe this. It's impossible. What has Draco done to help? Why does he love me?

_"Cedric, I need help. In two years I will have the Dark Mark. I will be expected to kill Dumbledore. What do I do?"_

"I knew it, he did kill him!"

I watched as Cedric smiled. _"Draco, I know you. You may act tough, and you have certainly hidden your true self from your father, but when it comes down to it…I know you won't kill him. And I know this because of how much you love Harry. You would never take someone as precious as Dumbledore away from the one you love. When the time comes…you will figure it out. Now smarten up!"_

I watched as Draco's tears went away and laughter was shown.

"_Yeah right Digory. If I had the balls to confess bluntly, I wouldn't be here crying in your sodding arms!"_

"_True enough. Well why don't you just go in and drool all over him from afar, like you usually do!"_

"_I MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT! MALFOYS NEVER DROOL!"_

"_You can't lie to me Draco! I've seen you!"_

"_Well, maybe a little. But how can I not? Harry Potter is one sexy piece of meat!"_

"_Potter's meat now?"_

_Draco quirked an eyebrow, "Well, you know what I mean."_

"_Yes, unfortunately I do."_

"How can any of this be true?" I kept asking myself, until I felt a hand touch my shoulder.

I was now outside looking up towards Dumbledore. This was all too familiar. This was the night he had been murdered by Draco.

"Watch carefully, Harry."

I nodded and was brought closer to the scene. Draco was pointing his wand towards Dumbledore hesitantly. His eyes closed and were filled with tears when they reopened.

"_I cant. I can't do it."_ I watch as he fights with himself to kill you.

His dark mark urging him to kill…

_"NO! I CAN'T DO IT! I LOVE HIM TOO MUCH! I WON'T! I WON'T KILL SOMEBODY HE LOVES! I WONT BE THE CAUSE OF ANOTHER PERSON'S DEATH!"_

My eyes started to burn watching the scene. Before I knew it I was crying. How could somebody possibly claim to love me so much, and not tell me? How could they be involved in so much darkness, but shine with so much light?

I watched as the green light flashed and Dumbledore was dead. He had indeed died from the wand of Severus Snape. He was a traitor.

I cant stand anymore so I fall to what I know is ground and start to cry harder. I thought for so long that Draco had been the killer. I inflicted so much pain onto him because of it. I tortured him until the year was done, and planned on doing worse this year. If only I had known. If only I could have seen this before. Hermione and Ron…oh Merlin they might have still been alive! It's my entire fault! Everyone has suffered so much because of me. So many have died because of me!

"I'm so sorry the journey made you sad."

"It's my entire fault! And all I want to do is go back! I want to fix everything! And Draco, I wish…I, wish I could have stopped his suffering! I am so cruel! I had no idea!"

"It is alright to be sad Harry, but do not blame yourself for everything that has happened. You are still living. Many people are because of you…including Draco.

"Do you mean, I can still have all that, even after all I've done?"

"If it's really what you want."

"I don't even know what that is! You showed me how life would have been if I hadn't…"

"No, no, no. You didn't see what would have happened. You saw some of the past, and what you imagined what would have happened."

"But I thought…"

"No matter what happened that day…you don't know if the other events would have happened or not. Harry, you are not sick. My mind was lost long ago, and so was Voldemort's. Just because you are confused, it doesn't make you crazy. I am just glad you finally defeated him after I passed on. You are not responsible for everything, because News Flash Harry! You don't have that much power. Figure out what you want and go for it. Just promise me that you wont give up, no matter how hard it is."

"I promise," I said with a slight smile.

"Ill always be right here," he said as he placed his hand on my heart, "but you know that don't you?"

"Yeah, I do." I replied.

"I love you, Harry. You were always like a son to me."

"I love you too, Dumbledore."

* * *

I felt happy, excited, nervous, and relieved all at once as I quickly made my way down to The Great Hall. I looked to the Slytherin tables and quickly found my prey. 

It's the first day back, and I'm making sure everything goes, as it should have many years ago.

I couldn't help but smile at the Slytherins. Their faces were hilarious as I crept up the table more and more, each one wondering what my purpose was for approaching their table. They were soon going to find out.

"Draco."

Draco looked up at me obviously shocked by my presence.

"Yes?" He asked.

"May I have a few words with you?" I asked politely.

He stared at me franticly wondering why I would want to speak with him.

"Privately?" I added.

He looked up and down his table and shrugged. "I guess so, Potter." I could tell it hurt him to call me by my last name. I bet it hurt him everytime.

He followed me out of the castle and to the lake.

"Are we far enough, Potter?"

There it was again. His pain in calling me Potter. Why couldn't I see it before? Why was I so blind to his feelings and…mine?

"So what do you want?"

I raised my hand out friendly and made sure to smile kindly, "You."

He was obviously confused by this.

"I mean…I would like for you to become my friend if at all possible. You see, I had a dream a few nights before my birthday…and lets just say, it opened my eyes."

I couldn't believe how shocked he was. It was like giving a baby a lost toy. His hand went out to reach for mine and he had on the biggest and most real smile I had ever seen him with. I instantly felt like crap for making it disappear, along with my hand.

"Is this some kind of trick?" He asked.

I looked at my hand oddly, and he must have noticed.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to be your friend."

He looked so hurt, and as if he wanted to cry. I am so stupid. I wish I could learn to phrase things better.

I quickly added in, "If at all possible…I would like to be more then friends. Would you consider going out on a date with me?" I held my hand back out with the new proposition and I could feel the heat rise to my cheeks. I was blushing.

His smile returned and he slipped his hand into mine, but pulled me closer. His mouth was to my ear, "What took you so long? I'd love to." He replied softly, and my arms wrapped around him as he sat in my lap and we spent the remainder of the day by the lake…getting to know one another.

* * *

**Author's Note** – OMG! I haven't written in so long, and BANG! I write this AWSOME fic all in one day, and it's in my opinion…SO ADORABLE! I hope you all enjoyed it! Please R/R! 


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